She is...

"She’s the places that she has a desire to visit.

She’s the pieces of quotes that are splattered in ink in her favorite books.

She’s the road trips she hopes to go on.

She’s the beautiful characters that mesmerized her in her favorite books.

She’s full of dreams, and I hope one day they come true."

XoSto

Feeling....nostalgic

I'm sitting here on my bedroom floor on a Saturday night going through my keepsake box.  It is filled with birthday cards, handwritten letters, pictures, ticket stubs and holiday cards from people who mean a lot to me or who once meant a lot to me.  As I look at these things I find myself feeling a mixture of emotions.  I feel sad at how some of my [really important] relationships with family members and friends have drastically changed.  I look over the words that say "you mean so much to me" and "I love you" and feel anger because I have to wonder if those words ever held any truth to them.  I find myself feeling disappointed in myself for letting  life consume me and neglecting people that only live a couple states away.   The worst part is the happiness I feel at remembering the times that all of these things represented.  How much love and happiness was in those moments.  This is the hardest thing to feel because life is different now.  I've changed, they've changed, everything has changed and it doesn't matter how much we cherish, miss and love those memories we can never go back.

Looking through all of these things i'm also left wondering if my relationships would be different [maybe still in tact] if I had been a more forgiving person?  If allowing myself to keep getting the short end of the stick was worth me keeping those relationships in my if they made me "happy" ? Was I happy?  Was it fair?  Do I even know what forgiveness really is and who it's for?  I'm not sure that I can adequately answer any of those questions at midnight, sitting on my bedroom floor as i'm feeling super nostalgic.  But I can say this:  I will focus on the relationships I have now.  Make time to tell  e v e r y o n e  how much I love them and how much they mean to me [and mean it].  I can work on being more understanding that not everyone expresses their love the way I do and being okay with that.

So if you read this, just know that whatever our "status" is I look back on our memories and smile and laugh and maybe even cry because of how special they all are to me.  I love you and appreciate you.  Always have and always will ♥

The Stars are Against Me Tonight

"Don't make me sad don't make me cry, sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough I don't know why."

C U R R E N T  M O O D

Image by:  Dan-Ah Kim

The more I find myself moving in a direction I've worked so hard to find myself in (positive & productive) I also find myself feeling more and more disconnected.  Not just from myself but from those closest to me.  It's something I can't really explain.  There is a lot distrust. And if I can't trust you, I'm asking myself what are we doing here?

It feels like with the new season approaching attitudes and vibes change and maybe the chaos and fun of summer clouded your judgment on what was real and what was fake. 

Things are just off.

#jonvoyage

How do you say goodbye to someone that has single hand-idly been the voice of a generation?  If you called it "fake news" that means you didn't get it.  Because no matter how ridiculous the story or the skit or punch line the reality of the story was there.  The ridiculousness of the horrors that occur all around is undeniable.  I am sad to know that in the midst of all the bullshit that we will be fed over the next year going into the next election we will not have his voice to guide us.  All I can say is if you ever decide to run for office....you've got my vote.  We love you Jon.<3 p="">

#camera3 #dailyshow #jonstewart

Choose wisely

Love yourself

I constantly struggle between holding on and letting go.  Although this is true about many parts of my life this is especially true when it comes to the people in my life.  I always feel like I owe someone something and because of that I stick around longer than I should or let them affect me for longer than they should.  But the truth is that the only person I owe something to is myself.  I owe myself the best quality of life.  And that means that I owe it to myself to surround myself with honest, authentic, caring and trustworthy people.  The type of people who will help me grow and be better.  The type of people who will be there through the good and the bad not just when it is convenient.  I owe it to myself to no longer allow myself to be in situations (school, job, routine) just because it is easy and comfortable.  During service the pastor said "It's easy to look good when life is easy"  and my Momma didn't raise no easy girl! XO