Types of people that piss me off:

1. People (more specifically my "friends") lying to my face. I am nothing but honest and deserve the same courtesy.  At least I think I do.

2.  People who never mean what they say or say what they mean.  Just be honest.

3.  People who complain about people treating them like shit but yet still have them in their lives.

4.  People who are friends with someone when its convenient.  I hate people like that.

5.  People not acting their age.  Grow the fuck up already.  You're too old for this shit.

6.  People thinking I'm dumb and I don't know the truth.  I know everything.  Remember that.

Lately, a lot of stuff has been bothering me.  A lot of stuff had been rubbing me the wrong way.  And even though I'm usually someone who is very blunt about what I'm thinking I haven't been able to say what I'm feeling.  I've been questioning the people around me....a lot.  I'm at a point in my life where I just have no desire to be around shitty people.  And the definition of "shitty people" is subjective.  I am so tired of always being real and feeling like I'm surrounded by fakes.

End rant.

In the midst of all the madnes I have to have to consciously remind myself to be present.

I am   S O   tired of being so inclusive and always feeling excluded.

Looking on the bright side of things

It is no surprise that since school started again for the Spring semester I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed.  I am constantly being bombarded by commitments to my school work, my internship(s), job, family and friends.  So it is no surprise that I am almost always complaining about something.  Complaining about how tired I am, how "over it" I am, how "I don't want to do this anymore", how exhausted, drained, tired, did I mention overwhelmed?  I am!  But yesterday during one of my classes I was reminded how incredibly blessed I am.  Blessed to have so many opportunities in my life.  Opportunities that are allowing me to learn, grow, create, and advance in life.  And to add on to that I find myself busy with things that peek my interest.

So in the midst of all of this hard work I had to remind myself that what i'm working on, what i'm helping create, the things I am a part of are all amazing things.  And when you love and are excited about the things you are doing it starts to feel a lot less like work.

So the next time I catch myself trying to complain about insignificant  things, i'm going to instead be conscious of putting positive energy out into the world instead of negative.

#livinglikeitssummer

She is...

"She’s the places that she has a desire to visit.

She’s the pieces of quotes that are splattered in ink in her favorite books.

She’s the road trips she hopes to go on.

She’s the beautiful characters that mesmerized her in her favorite books.

She’s full of dreams, and I hope one day they come true."

XoSto

Feeling....nostalgic

I'm sitting here on my bedroom floor on a Saturday night going through my keepsake box.  It is filled with birthday cards, handwritten letters, pictures, ticket stubs and holiday cards from people who mean a lot to me or who once meant a lot to me.  As I look at these things I find myself feeling a mixture of emotions.  I feel sad at how some of my [really important] relationships with family members and friends have drastically changed.  I look over the words that say "you mean so much to me" and "I love you" and feel anger because I have to wonder if those words ever held any truth to them.  I find myself feeling disappointed in myself for letting  life consume me and neglecting people that only live a couple states away.   The worst part is the happiness I feel at remembering the times that all of these things represented.  How much love and happiness was in those moments.  This is the hardest thing to feel because life is different now.  I've changed, they've changed, everything has changed and it doesn't matter how much we cherish, miss and love those memories we can never go back.

Looking through all of these things i'm also left wondering if my relationships would be different [maybe still in tact] if I had been a more forgiving person?  If allowing myself to keep getting the short end of the stick was worth me keeping those relationships in my if they made me "happy" ? Was I happy?  Was it fair?  Do I even know what forgiveness really is and who it's for?  I'm not sure that I can adequately answer any of those questions at midnight, sitting on my bedroom floor as i'm feeling super nostalgic.  But I can say this:  I will focus on the relationships I have now.  Make time to tell  e v e r y o n e  how much I love them and how much they mean to me [and mean it].  I can work on being more understanding that not everyone expresses their love the way I do and being okay with that.

So if you read this, just know that whatever our "status" is I look back on our memories and smile and laugh and maybe even cry because of how special they all are to me.  I love you and appreciate you.  Always have and always will ♥

The Stars are Against Me Tonight

"Don't make me sad don't make me cry, sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough I don't know why."

C U R R E N T  M O O D

Image by:  Dan-Ah Kim