When someone puts into words exactly what you've been feeling and what you've been going through.....it reminds you that your feelings are valid and that you are not alone.

#thankyougod

Give me a break

Just when I feel like i'm treading on water I get sucked back under.  I'm trying not to let these bad moments consume me but today, they did.  I don't know how to not worry.  I don't understand why things like this keep happening to me (yes, I am definitely having a pity party today) but they are.  And I don't know how to accept them and move on.  I literally make myself sick over things that I cannot change.  I become immobile. I need to pray more, I need to mediate more, I need to find something else to do in order to be able to let these negative things go.




#help

I want to say thank you.  Thank you to the people who have let me vent, breakdown, mope around etc. the last 3 weeks.  Thank you to the people who have given me advice, words of encouragement and a reminder that things would work out.  I want to thank god, the universe or whatever it is that makes this world and life of ours keep going.  My faith in something bigger than me, my faith in myself and my own abilities have helped me out lately.  Thank you all.

A L W A Y S  bet on yourself.

Go ahead, cry if you want to

For as long as I can remember I have always hated crying.  Mostly because I always cry for the wrong reasons.  I cry when I laugh uncontrollably (usually at something that isn't really funny to begin with but my sense of humor is off so, whatever) or I cry when I'm really upset and angry (not sad) which is a super annoying thing to do in the middle of an argument with someone.  I have always hated crying because I see it as a sign of weakness and being vulnerable (within myself). And as a result when it comes to the hard moments in life like the death of a loved one, the betrayal of a friend, loss of love and disappointments I have always tried my best NOT to cry.  I have always turned to laughter (even if it wasn't genuine) over tears.

Over the past year I have realized that things (emotions) affect me more than the normal person but I never let myself feel it completely.  I am never able to fully enjoy a moment of happiness because I am already anticipating the moment in which I will no longer be happy.  I never fully let myself be sad about something because I am already trying to be strong etc.  But  I have come to realize that there is no shame in crying during acceptance speeches, or telling someone you love them just because you do or laughing uncontrollably at a stupid joke just because it tickled your fancy.  I have spent most of my life trying to be such a strong person.  But what good is a strong person if they can't be soft sometimes too? Or funny or calm or crazy and wild or happy and sad and sometimes weak? I am all of those things, and i'm not afraid to show it anymore.

Wanting something (or someone) only because you can't have them now is NOT a good way to want things.

Some people say it is crazy to put all your eggs in one basket so to speak. But I have come to realize that it's even crazier NOT to.  I feel that sometimes by not doing so there is self doubt.  Doubt in your ability to get it right the first time.  Doubt that God will not be able to do what is best for you at its right time. We are so consumed with falling back to something else that we don't really want out of fear of not getting what we actually want and I think that's the craziest part of it all.

But here I am, the girl who is the most scared of all putting all my eggs in one basket.  Because today I believe in myself.