And finally....a sense of direction

My appointment was at 8 am and and I was SO nervous.  I couldnt' even eat breakfast because I was on the verge of throwing up because of how anxious/nervous I was.  But why?  It's not like she was going to tell me something I didn't ALREADY know.  I guess the fact that for the first time in a LONG time I was going to have to address one of my biggest fears/disappointments head on instead of running away from it or sweeping it under the rug (which is what I've been doing for the past 4+ years).  Almost 2 hours later I felt a sense of relief and left that office with a new found determination and excitement.  My time line gives me a year until I can transfer.  It won't be easy (I know that) but for the first time in a reallllly long time I know that I won't fail.  This next year doesn't just bring challenges, it brings new possibilities.  Come on girly, it's time to get your shit together!  There wiill be no more sabotaging myself. Although I should have had this meeting a LONG time ago I can't beat myself over it now.  It is what it is. I need to "accept the things I cannot change" and move forward with my life, for myself.


Now...what about my work life?  Work is just a MESS.  I have literally no idea what to do.  I'm at a job I hate, about to quit when I get offered a different (better) position.  And although they are willing to work with me and my schedule I can't seem to jump at the opportunity.  I am not willing to once again put my schooling on the back burner and i'm also not sure if i'm willing to put my happiness on the back burner either.  Am I willing to struggle with bills etc. just so I wont wake up hating life everytime I have to go to work?  Gaaaaahdddd what do I do?

I didn't write this

"Got me up all night, all I'm singing is love songs..." Why won't this stupid song stop playing?!?!?!  Okay, let me be honest for a second....it's not the song I find stupid, it's the fact that every time that damn song plays the first person -THE ONLY PERSON- I think about is you.  The fact that when Miguel says, "I want you, to want me" I'm pretty sure he stole that line straight from my heart.

But I'm not quite sure if I want you to want me just yet.  At this point I'm just asking  you to notice me.  Notice how I go out of my way just to say 'Hi'.  How a couple "Hey how's it goin's?"  can carry  me through the whole week.  Because all we have are weekends.  Notice how much I hate my phone because ever time it dings I'm praying to god it's you.  And then it's not.  And I'm just left here saying..."s[he] got me up all night, constant drinking and love songs.  S[he] got me up all night, down and out with these love songs."

Hello Summer!

This past week has consisted of nothing but beach, sun, graduation parties and padres games!  It is official....Summertime is here!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BRUUUUUUUCE!!!!!

I saw this today and it just made me laugh.  Matilda is by far one of my favorite movies!

I L O V E S U M M E R!

It's about that time...

to go back to doing the things I LOVE.  My 35mm has been sitting on my desk gathering dust along with everything else.  It's time to get it up and running and take it out on the town to capture a different point of view.

I wonder if I missed my chance.  I wonder if that night 3 some odd weeks ago that was my opportunity.  I was faced with "Should I stay or should I go?" and like a scared little girl I walked away.  Would things have been different if I had stayed?  WHO KNOWS.  And the thing is, that I have to stop beating myself up over it.  Keep it moving, Sto.  Just keep moving.

A watched pot never boils.  And a phone doesn't ring when you keep checking it. 

#lifelessons