A L W A Y S  bet on yourself.

Go ahead, cry if you want to

For as long as I can remember I have always hated crying.  Mostly because I always cry for the wrong reasons.  I cry when I laugh uncontrollably (usually at something that isn't really funny to begin with but my sense of humor is off so, whatever) or I cry when I'm really upset and angry (not sad) which is a super annoying thing to do in the middle of an argument with someone.  I have always hated crying because I see it as a sign of weakness and being vulnerable (within myself). And as a result when it comes to the hard moments in life like the death of a loved one, the betrayal of a friend, loss of love and disappointments I have always tried my best NOT to cry.  I have always turned to laughter (even if it wasn't genuine) over tears.

Over the past year I have realized that things (emotions) affect me more than the normal person but I never let myself feel it completely.  I am never able to fully enjoy a moment of happiness because I am already anticipating the moment in which I will no longer be happy.  I never fully let myself be sad about something because I am already trying to be strong etc.  But  I have come to realize that there is no shame in crying during acceptance speeches, or telling someone you love them just because you do or laughing uncontrollably at a stupid joke just because it tickled your fancy.  I have spent most of my life trying to be such a strong person.  But what good is a strong person if they can't be soft sometimes too? Or funny or calm or crazy and wild or happy and sad and sometimes weak? I am all of those things, and i'm not afraid to show it anymore.

Wanting something (or someone) only because you can't have them now is NOT a good way to want things.